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09/01/2004: "Day of emotions"

Today has been a day of emotions. Its kinda like when everything seems to be slowly adding up like a sand hour glass. Everything is slowly trickling down, eventually filling you up. Today was one of those days. I am worried about my father...he is going overseas soon with the military. My health sucks, I keep getting dizzy and im afraid something bad will happen (another seizure...), and then I found out...I lost 8000 dollars in scholarship money due to 2% points. You had to be ranked in the top 5% of your class. I was ranked top 7%, yes, it bites. It came tumbling down at about noon, and I came home.

I napped, that usually help things. Then I talked to logan, that always helps things. I need to look on the bite side of things. Yes, I know the university I want to go to is 15,000 dollars a year. Yes, I know I have a 5,000 dollar a year state scholarship. And Yes, I can count there is a 10,000 dollar gap in there. But a state scholarship isnt the end of them. I have the epilepsy scholarship to apply for, my 1000 dollar volunteer scholarship I worked for, and the university itself has scholarships. Its not going to be the end. And if I have to take out 5,000 dollars in loan, its not the end their either. (just, please please God dont make me take out 10,000 a year...)

I need to keep my ACT score up. I have a retest coming up. I have a 29 currently. I want at least a 30 coming up. I need to improve my science and math skills. I need to keep my GPA up, try to get A's this year. I know I can do that. I just dont like worrying about things. Everything has a reason...must be a reason that 2% was there. One thing it has made me realize. If I was in the top 7% of my class in sophmore year, I am going to probably be in the top 15% at the end of my senior year. Everyone gets lazier as the years go on. My GPA dropped a bit from 10th grade, but I still have another year left. Its all going to work out in the end. I may make the 8000 dollars another way, I dont know. I have a few years to find out. Its time to turn the hour glass over.