I dont write things down....like assignments. I keep them in my head. Sometimes, they just get to many so I need to write a to do list. Well, here are my to do lists for the web.

1. Restore personal site and backup all files.
2. Finish layouts for personal site.
3. Add a proper gallery skin to the gallery for this site.
4. Upload all of my decent photos.
5. Make a site backup, might want to do this first.
6. Update photo log.
7. Update links on the side, remove dead ones and put new ones.

Also...I can keep this in my head, but more random things to do.

1. Blame counsellor for recommending an all girls college where you must attend church weekly, even if it is free.
2. Chemistry Quiz Friday
3. English paper due wednesday.
4. Grammer test on friday.
5. Go to press friday for journalism.
6. Talk to counsellor about getting out of journalism.
7. Finish appication to USC.

So...kinda dull.

Reading some of my usual bloggers, Ive come to think about why I read blogs. I have for a very long time, but I cant remember what the first blog I ever read was. One of the firsts I know was Heathers'. But it wasnt the first. I now have about 15 that I visit on a daily basis. Some of the people only post 3 times a week, while some post 3 times a day. The links on the left are some of them, but not all of them. Over time, Ive read blogs for a year, and would just stop reading them. Maybe they got to...personal? Im not sure.

One case was a bisexual teenager. Yes, very paticular fellow. He also had cancer. He was also rich. He also divorced his parents or something like that. I liked his blog for about a year or so, but then one post really just was to indepth personally for me. I stopped reading, curiousity got my tongue in the end.

Some of the other bloggers, I've devoloped a close friendly relationship. I have become good friends with Jonah. Over a long period of time, like...around a year and a half I think. Hes the closest blogger Ive gotten to I think. (Sounds like im stalking him, doesnt it?) Hes got enough of those anyway ;)

I have read SJ since before she found out she was pregnant. I was a fan of her friend Allison, which recently closed her site. I havent a clue where it went. She closed her previous site before Javamama too. Odd.

But I think I know *why* I read blogs. I think its because Im not little miss social in life. I like to know about people. Not just their name and what they look like. Looks are not important to me. I like knowing how other people deal with life. What other peoples lives are. What made them want to put their life online, even if its just peices of life. You know?

As I read a blog today, the man who wrote it was depressed. I can relate to that. In some way, not the way he does. I dont take medication for it or anything, but it makes me look and think 'hey, you know when you feel down, it could be worse, be happy that you arnt so sad.' It may sound like a bad thing, but some blogs honestly make me feel better. I realize that sometimes in a sticky situation, it could be worse. I can look at a blog with someone who is anonymous, who has epilepsy and has 4 seizures a day, and think to myself 'yes, I have epilespy, but Im luckly, it could be worse.' Does this sound selfish?

I just like knowing about people. Some blogs I cant read. One of the usual blogs I read, linked to a blog of a woman who has had multipal miscarriages and cant carry a child. I cant relate to that, I hope I never have to. I couldnt read the blog. I cant relate, I cant put it into my eyes. I cant understand her pain. I can feel sorry for her, but I dont need to do that, Im sure she gets enough as it is. Her life is intresting, but I cant read that.

And btw, I didnt read about the bi boy because I was bi myself, I read him because I was curious about his cancer originally. And as for Meredith, I like reading her blog, queer and all. I love sign language, she has that in her blog. I find her sexuality intresting, even if she doesnt discuss it. I just like knowing how people live the way they do.

Goodness, I am such a freak for reading blogs for years. As for blogging myself. I keep mine now as a journal. Everything I put online, I would let everyone including my parents read. Its notes for me, to help me remember. I have an old blog from eons ago, about 2 and a half years old. (Yes, thats eons to me) And it just helps me remember. Its one of those times when you say 'You know, I was never so childish! I never wrote in CAPS, never used net speak...' and yet I can look on those entries, and see that I definitally did. I can *hardly* stand to read my own blog back then. Ive grown up alot in the past few years. And though my side bar says 'near twenties' its actually 17. But hey, why not add a level of mystery?

On a side note, there is only one thing I wish I could have kept from the online world that I dont have now. The staffroom log from October, 2001. It has the first time Logan ever saw me in it. And trust me, it was hiliarous, but I was too busy blushing ;)

Back to blogging. I know only two people read this, and thats fine. I dont write it for them, because I talk to both of them on almost a daily basis and they know my life anyway. Im almost done with my 100 things, im going to post it.

So I took a walk today, mostly a chance to get the last bit of good fresh air. Its getting colder in the mornings, but the afternoons are very comforter. So here is a little walk with the eskimo around her home. She has woods all around her house.

Its a jungle out there...

I thought this mushroom that was just sitting there, hiding in the grass was so cute.

Yes, I stayed away from those large fireants...

Looks like we have some construction going on a few blocks away.

Better than the desert!

You have to take a chance to look up and see everything.

To my special someone :)

Got woods? I do...infinate woods...

I grew up in elementary school playing on this type of tree. I loved it, was the perfect climbing tree. Maybe one day my children will be able to climb it.

Nothing says I love you quite like a rose, does it?

For the record, I dont like either candidate.
Pretzel Month

As we enter the month of October, one thing on many peoples’ mind is that October is the turning point for the 2004 presidential election. In the left corner we have John Kerry, and in the right corner we have our current president, George W. Bush. The Liberals will be refereeing. However, with this important political month comes a lesser known celebration: pretzel month.
The temperature for the presidential elections is heating up. There is sure to be more name-calling, accent bashing, and pointing fingers as the month continues. John Kerry, hence known as Long Face John, is tackling the election deciding states of Pennsylvania, Florida, and Wisconsin. Dubya has also been fighting, but his narrow post-convention bounce has faded quickly. All he can do now is continue with more of the same, we think. As it stands right now, Dubya and Long John are tied. Is Dubya preparing to pull out a secret plan? Operation ‘we’ve got Osama!’ in October? We will just have to wait and see.
It is possible that Dubya has nothing of the like up his sleeves. We just hope that he doesn’t have a pretzel in his mouth during the celebrations when he hears the results of the October polls, because that means that mister second in charge becomes first in charge. Do you really want Dick Chaney as a president? No, I didn’t think so. He would probably have a heart attack upon hearing the news anyway.
So as the month moves on we will figure out what candidates have up their sleeves. I predict Long John is going to pull something else out of the hat about Dubya, or Dubya will continue to harp on Long John’s under-funded budget. Wait, did Dubya even have a proper budget? Wasn’t there a surplus somewhere in the past few years . . . ?
One thing is for sure, one candidate looks younger than the other. Actually, one looks suspiciously younger. Could it be that Long John has secretly indulged himself in the Hollywood miracle of Botox? Can we look forward to more cosmetic procedures in the future? A chemical peel perhaps? You need a wonderful glow to go with that wrinkle free forehead. Perhaps Long John will be the first president to end his term looking younger than when he began.
However, all of these things just bring me back to wondering if they serve pretzels on Air Force One. Because if they do, there is the probability for a serious problem. Of course, after Dubyas’ last pretzel incident; I’m sure the Department of Secret Service removed the offending pretzels from the White House residence. But one thing is for sure: if a pretzel does make it onto Air Force One, be ready for the terror alert to rise.

I offically have the worst set of senior pictures I have ever seen. I went to a company, Bryn-Alan, and had my pictures taken. And since I have the right of free speech, I can say THEY SUCK. Dont go to them. The pictures are very very bad. And its not my fault either. The way they are set up, so cheesy, not natural looking at all. So, screw it. I prefer my self portraits over that.

And thats what im going to do, take my own damn pictures and print them. So ha, Bryn-Alan, your not getting a dime from me.

The time has come again, for me to get into uni searching fever. Only this time, its real. Scary enough. Really scary actually. My mother wants me to stay in state, because I have a 5000 dollar scholarship. Well, 20,000, cause it counts for 4 years, but 5000 a year. But, I have a problem. I cant seem to find what I want here. True, its better than LA where I lived before, but still, nothings perfect. This is basically what I want/need in a uni.

a) Affordable, I need it to not cause me a ton of debt, small loans are ok, but I cant take a 30k uni as it is here.
b) Wide range of fields. Im not sure what I want to do, but I know I want something to do with german. Nothing beyond that.
c) No frats or sororities, if it can be helped. I can live with it, but I dont want a party school. Please please no party schools.
d) No 'freshman centers', the last thing I want is to be holed up in a commons with 7 other freshman, doing god knows what. Give me a private room, heck, ill even share a room if it means I live around people other than freshman.
e) I want to go to university for an education, not religion. If a school requires church attendance, im not going. (Yes, I found a school today that required that)

Yes, its HARD to find a school like that. And I know I probably wont, not in the US anyway. And im not looking for perfection, some of those qualities rank higher than the other. Residence is one of the highest. Im not a big people person, I dont want to live with people my age, who I generally dislike. But, the more the qualities in the school, the better. The best Ive found so far...Francis Marion Univeristy (not very prestigious, known party school), USC (horrid residence, frats...god help me), University of Ottawa (perfect program, but no International aid, so thats exed), York (not much chance at scholarships, about 1 in 50 in fact) and...that about sums it up.

I wanted to go to winthrop, but its to narrow...only eduacation, preprofessional, and few majors...so no go. See my delima?

Anyway, my father left today for a business trip. For four months. Hes stranded in dc. Going to heathrow tonight, maybe he can get to the rest of europe before tomorrow. Who knows. Anyway, im going to bed. Night folks.

PS: Im open to suggestions to uni, anywhere except australia.

Blegh, its been one of those days. It started with no wanting to crawl out of bed. Well, not quite. It started last night with my stomach acting up, then progressed to me worring for an hour. Then I got to sleep and didnt want to get up this morning. It was raining when I got up. I love rain, but it later spawned into tornado cells.

Went to school, and said tornado cells required us to sit in the hall for a number of hours. Being the school photographer, I got the wonderful privledge of getting up and walking around while people had books over their heads in the hall. Its wonderful pictures I tell you.

Well, then I had to sit down. For hours. People were yelling...and it was hot...and I got a migrain. I freaked my teacher out. He sent me to the office. Then had more people freak out. So, it was an intresting day.

Then went to journalism, nothing in there. Literaly. I need to find someone to fence, like, el pronto. I like writing, but, I dont know if this is the kind of writing for me. I prefer like...narratives. And as you can see, im not the best speller. So, I had nothing to do in journalism, and...read a book on wedding etiquette, yes, I was bored.

Was kept at school because more storms came in. Then I went home and napped, the one time things went right. Then when I wake up, I decide to visit Oscarwatch. Big mistake. I was pounced on by three people, and after my day, last thing I wanted was that. Sorry VSW for yelling at you.

Well, journalism isnt right. What is? I dont know. Im not a professional person. I dont think I could ever be a doctor or lawyer. I want to work with people, but not like...constantly? If that makes sense. I like writing. I love language. I like history even. What is cut out for me? Logan knows exactly what he wants, so does Frankie. I know alot of people dont, but where do I fit in? Not a clue. I just want to have an idea.

I just got over being sick, finally. You can tell my last column was nyquil induced now that I read it again. My stomach has started hurting again, and I just...cant stand it. I dislike being sick. I dont like having to worry if I hit my head I will have a fit. I dont like having to take time out of my day to lay down when my stomach feels like someone is stabbing me. But its life, its not fair, right? I dont like that the only relief I could get for my stomach causes more trouble. I dont like having to lay all my burdens on people I love. And it hurts worse when your parents dont think that something you think a is a major problem, isnt. Sure, it may not be a big problem, it will pass. But I like more than a 'its a part of life' or 'youll find something, oh but wait, no you would never be able to be that.' Its a pain.

Life can be a bitch sometimes, but it also has those wonderful people who make it completly worthwhile.

I wrote this column for the school paper, it probably wont get published, so I will publish it myself.

You can’t judge a book by its cover and you can’t judge a person by how they look. We are who we are now because of the past. You may look a person and think, “Wow they’re strange” or “What a freak”. What you don’t know is why they are like the way they are.
A gentleman cannot bear to watch the news. Is this because the last time he watched it, he saw the wreak that took his sons life? Or is it just he is afraid to hear the bad news of the world? A woman studies night and day to find a cure for cancer. Is this because she wants fame and recognition? Or did she lose a loved one to a terrible disease?
Events and experiences make us who we are. Memories are natures’ way of reminding us where we have come from. Everything from the smell of cookies baking to the touch of soft thread sparks a memory from another time.
Our mind keeps our memories, but they often have to be unlocked. Our closets keep everything we need, and sometimes they give us the key to those lost memories. When I open my closet it is like taking a stroll down memory lane.
There are boxes in the bottom of my closet from the times I have moved and I have never bothered to unpack. There is filthy hour glass, it reminds me of how life seems to have a way of building up until you finally need to turn it over and begin anew. A bag that contains maple syrup, two flags, and a purple ten dollar bill shows me what a difference having a Canadian friend is like. A photo box, so small, but it can tell the story of a girl who lost almost every photo she had.
What does this say about me? I have moved so many times, that I don’t even bother to unpack some stuff anymore. The way my life is turned upside down, mementos of my friend, and my pictures both lost and kept. They all tell their stories about me and tell what has made me who I am.
Memories exist without the material items as well. Sometimes feelings can say it all. When a bee is on your nose and ready to sting fear comes into play. Fear of pain, fear of how you will look, feelings you have experienced long before.
The taste of sweet cake reminds you of birthdays past including the good ones and the bad. A memory of your sixth birthday comes back to you, strands of your blond hair in flames. Your twelfth birthday, the last ever spent with your childhood friends. Sweet sixteen, the one you spent at home with someone you love. Memories also remind you to always pull your hair back so your sixth birthday doesn’t repeat itself.
Memories remind us of our battles, friendships and loves, both lost and won. You see a long row of lockers and you can think of the first fight you had in school. You hear the music of Franz Liszt and you picture a man in a black suit sitting at a piano, fingers filling every note with passion. You listen to the sound of a friend’s voice telling you about his day. All these moments bring back memories.
These objects and memories make us who we are; they are who we are. So the next time you look at someone and are about to pass judgment on them; think about what might of made them the way they are. Were they hurt in the past? Have they ever felt the scorn of their peers? Is that girl who sits quietly in the corner so quiet because she fears losing her friends once again? Look in your own closet, your own mind, and you will see what I mean.

Today has been a day of emotions. Its kinda like when everything seems to be slowly adding up like a sand hour glass. Everything is slowly trickling down, eventually filling you up. Today was one of those days. I am worried about my father...he is going overseas soon with the military. My health sucks, I keep getting dizzy and im afraid something bad will happen (another seizure...), and then I found out...I lost 8000 dollars in scholarship money due to 2% points. You had to be ranked in the top 5% of your class. I was ranked top 7%, yes, it bites. It came tumbling down at about noon, and I came home.

I napped, that usually help things. Then I talked to logan, that always helps things. I need to look on the bite side of things. Yes, I know the university I want to go to is 15,000 dollars a year. Yes, I know I have a 5,000 dollar a year state scholarship. And Yes, I can count there is a 10,000 dollar gap in there. But a state scholarship isnt the end of them. I have the epilepsy scholarship to apply for, my 1000 dollar volunteer scholarship I worked for, and the university itself has scholarships. Its not going to be the end. And if I have to take out 5,000 dollars in loan, its not the end their either. (just, please please God dont make me take out 10,000 a year...)

I need to keep my ACT score up. I have a retest coming up. I have a 29 currently. I want at least a 30 coming up. I need to improve my science and math skills. I need to keep my GPA up, try to get A's this year. I know I can do that. I just dont like worrying about things. Everything has a reason...must be a reason that 2% was there. One thing it has made me realize. If I was in the top 7% of my class in sophmore year, I am going to probably be in the top 15% at the end of my senior year. Everyone gets lazier as the years go on. My GPA dropped a bit from 10th grade, but I still have another year left. Its all going to work out in the end. I may make the 8000 dollars another way, I dont know. I have a few years to find out. Its time to turn the hour glass over.