New Years brings so many things. It wipes away those Christmas is gone blues...resolutions that probably wont be kept...and a new start. Im working on a page to celebrate my new year...to show what I have done this year. Ive had a blog for two and a half years, but unfortually 2 years of it was lost. I have from June until now on this site, but my other site failed. But 2005 will hopefully bring some things for me. I was saving this for my 2004 page, but I feel like putting it here.

1. My father will come home.
2. I hope to win that scholarship with some help.
3. I will finally graduate from high school hell (our mascot isnt a demon for no reason).
4. A chance with that other eskimo.
5. I hope I will be able to pay for the first year of my professional education, without a loan.
6. 2005 will hopefully bring an end to my seizures once and for all.

There is so much more...I wish this, I would like that...but considering 50,000 people are dead in asia...everything else seems so small.

The accomplishments of the George W. Bush presidency.

1.A record level of assistance is being given to college students in the form of Federal loans, grants, and work-study programs.
2. Funding for Pell grants increased 47 percent. As funding rose by $4 billion, the number of Pell recipients has increased by nearly one million.

BUSH: We've increased Pell Grants by a million students.
KERRY: But you know why the Pell Grants have gone up in their numbers? Because more people qualify for them because they don't have money. But they're not getting the $5,100 the president promised them. They're getting less money. We have more people who qualify. That's not what we want.
Source: Third Bush-Kerry debate, in Tempe AZ Oct 13, 2004

As President, Governor Bush will establish a $1.5 billion “College Challenge” Grant. This federal funding will cover one-third of state costs to establish a merit scholarship program. States will have freedom to design their own scholarship program, except for baseline course requirements. Participating states would also have the incentive to make available to all students courses in the recommended curriculum. The total cost of this proposal would be $1.5 billion over five years.
Source: Press Release, “$7B for College Access” Aug 30, 2000

And then there is this:

Ahem, here is my haul for christmas:

DVD:
Ghost World
Finding Nemo (2 disk)
Last Samurai (2 disk)
ROTK EE
Master and Commander (2 disk)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (2 disk)
Nowhere in Afrika (2 disk)
The Pianist
Lola Rennt (Run Lola Run)

Other...

Epson Stylus R200 Photo Printer
Epson Paper
Epson Ink
512 MB JumpDrive
Purple Robe
Purple Watch
Purple Sweater
Purple Shaw
Purple Scarf
Purple Shampoo
Purple Razor
Purple Toothbrush
DVD player (mine died..)
Davinci Code Special ed. book
America the book
Digital Fortress <--book
Though the lens, national geographic photos <--book too
Various underclothing items
Five for Fighting CD
LOTR 3 disk sountrack set
Martina McBride CD
A very nice personalized ring from my mother.

I got alot of stuff. My brother got a dvd recorder, a very nice one. If your wondering why I get so many presents, its because my brother has 3 christmas's and I get 1. He gets two more huge ones tomorrow at his grandmothers and fathers (technically, hes myhalf brother, we have different fathers). But I am very happy with my outcome. I have to take a few things back because they wernt right like the LOTR cd set...completly not LOTR. And the jump drive...I dont need it and its 65 dollars. But it was a good christmas.

Im working on my 2004 page...havign small problems though cause my computer AC adapter is dead. The repair place said they were sending me a new one, but so far no luck. So I cant turn on my computer (it doesnt have a battery), so Im having to do most of it by scratch. Other than that, its ok.

Hello people that read this and I havent been able to talk to for a few days, im not ignoring you.

I have very tempremental electronic equipment. My camera, dvd player, scanner, and most of all my computer. I have spoken to many a tech supports in my few short years on this earth. Why all of a sudden are they sounding like they are from india? Probably cause they are...

When people mispronounce my real last name a certain way, its an honest mistake...but I dont know how these tech support people manage to get out of it what they do. I wish they could quite arguing with me over stuff that I know about and then...*gasp* say 'we will put in a service order!' Alas, not the case.

I have an apex dvd recorder, cheap brand. They have prople from india, or sounds like it, as tech supports. Well, my dvd player is broken, and now they wont fix it (I have a warrenty...) unless I pay 23 dollars in shipping. They are out of their blooming mind.

And my computer? Im getting a new AC adapter next week. Camera? its been good to me so far. Scanner? I thought the bulb had gone out, turns out I just pushed a wrong button. And now for christmas I'm getting a canon photo printer. This is just asking for trouble, eh?

You know its been a long time since you posted if your browser (Mozilla, God bless you) clears your own site out of its history. So what has been going on with me you might ask? Or you might not, depending on who is reading this. But I will share anyway.

I got the script for the play I am in. Its a good part, and its going to be a *very* funny play. I will definitally post pictures when the time comes.

Exams were on thursday and friday. I got a 100 on my Journalism Portfolio, and a 90 on my chemistry exam. Now, this is going to sound stupid, but I care about these things...I cried! I needed a *91* on the exam to get an A in the class. I got an 90. The teacher emailed me the grade, and I was...less than my usual enthusatic self, and he seemed to notice. He offered to let me write a college level paper on the rates of reactions and equilibrium based on Le Chatelier's Principle. Sounds lovely doesnt it? If I write an excellent paper, I will get 2 points added to my exam. Oh, this sounds good. But it sounds so...hard to do. And my english final? I have no idea what I got on it. I had a 94 going into the exam, I hope I kept it.

And now, vacation! Ive been shopping this weekend and usual stuff like that. Cant wait for christmas. In fact, when we went to circuit city yesterday, I saw my dream camera for *only* $750.00. The price of my dreams are going down...while the price of the exchange rate between canada and the US is slowly dropping.

And now I have my grandfather coming for christmas sometime this week, if he can get over a cold. I get the feeling he really doesnt want to come, but my mother wants him to, so I think he will. Then after Christmas, we have my mothers friends coming over for new years, and my brother going to his father...and I better not get stuck babysitting 4 year olds name Regan, cause if I do, I will have words. And not nice ones.

Anything else? Ah, the blog realm. Jonah's podcast is really good. And im not just saying that. It made me look up some other ones, and I think podcasting is a very intresting concept. And...nothing to much more intresting in the blog world...really.

And my mother was told he has moderate to severe hearing loss. She went to the doctors because she couldnt taste or smell, and was sent to an ears/nose/throat doctor. They tested her hearing and found that. But they didnt find out anything about the taste or smell. And my balence being horribly off, and being dizzy so often? Doctors have no idea, but also want to send me to an ears/nose/throat doctor to get inner ear. Which is a hassle because its in a big city about 30-45 minutes away, one way. So I will live with it. It started to get really bad after my littl accident and now its just annoying. So, Im going to go bask in the glory of...season two of the west wing.

I was watching west wing today, and in the first season, there is a deaf woman on there. I watch her closely, and cant help it but try and decipher her signs. I was curious after one paticular episode and looked up the sign for Republican and Democrat. I found it funny that the sign for Republican is made with crossed fingers. Signs usually represent what they intend to mean. (Like the sign for fire is made with the fingers looking like dancing flames). Found that funny...but I do have an odd sense of humor.



(and yes meredith, if you ever read this, I know that the fingers are crossed because republican starts with an R, yay for me)

I was sitting in the library at lunch today, like I usually do. I reached into my bookbag to pull out a book. I purposely left America: the book, at home today. But I thought I still had "First French Kiss" to read. See, out library has an epidemic, as I like to call it. Our fiction section should be known as the Teen Angst section. No, seriously.

I didnt have a book though, so I was deserpate, and I wandered into the fiction section. Yes, I do judge books by the cover...and the title and the author. Well, I spotted a book on the end, which a seminice cover, and an ok title and I picked it up. I had never heard of the author, but what the heck, its only lunch. So I sat down with this book.

The book is called A Dance for Three. I was expecting something like girl loves two boys one boy likes the girl, the other totally ignores her...ect. I can stomach that for a lunch period. But no...I started reading this one. The first sentence should of tipped me off.

"Milo wasn't the first boy to kiss me but he was the first one to bite me."

THAT should of told me something right there. But no, I kept on. Eventually little miss poor 15 year old has sex with a wonderful handsome rich 17 year old. They 'love' each other and he is all over her ever chance he gets. Then *gasp* she gets pregnant! Her mother finds out and all she can say is "I cant believe this is happening to ME!" To her? I thought it was the daughter...in fact it is. Then the pregnant girl has to take care of her self absorbed mother because her father died from hiccuping. I mean, she literaly cooks her mothers meals, goes grocery shopping, ect. All the while her mother is jobless. Ok, quacked up enough yet?

Nope! Gets better, she tells the father. The boy throws her against a dumpster and beats her. And of course tells her that 'its YOUR problem, not mine'. How stupid. Then she hears him having sex WITH HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND. NOW its screwed up.

And the bell rang. This is withen the first 60 pages. It is *messed* up. And this stuff is in our library. Now someone answer me this, what kind of teenager reads this stuff for enjoyment, and not just some random book? Who would actually *pay* to read this? Its SO depressing. And its like, suicidal material. And its labeled under teen fiction in our library. Yes this stuff does happen, but *who* wants to read about it? So excuse me while I go vomit, im sure there is a book in the library about a girl who is a dancer and wants to just be 'thin.' I swear they are becoming more and more like 'how-to' guides these 'teen' books.

Yay! I got a part in the school play. Keep in mind I have a) never tried out for a play and b) didnt know what I was doing and c) Im at a new school. I got the part of Miss Hockenschmoss in the play called "Competition Piece", which I originally thought was OUR competition peice...not the name of the play. But its our play. Heres a summery:

This clever comedy is an ideal high school competition play. Three groups of students are preparing for a drama competition. One has lots of rehearsal time and chooses a romance. The meatheads decide to do a typical teen problem play. The arty clique wants to do a one act version of King Lear as a Japanese Noh drama. Winner of several competitions, this play is certain to delight your students, your audience and those hard to please judges.

I am the first teacher, the one who has "lots of rehersal time and chooses a romance", which if funny, because I get to tell my friends boyfriend to kiss another friend of mine. I sound I like 14, but I find this fun. *nods* Im glad I got that part. Muhanana, watch out world, here I come.

I have so many things that I just think to myself 'I should blog this', but I never get around to it. So I will try to cover the past 3 or 4 days, though not in much detail. I have also discovered, Im not a blogger. I am a person who posts text to a website about her life. I dont really keep up with news anymore like I used to, this is more just an online diary that I dont mind my online friends reading. I kinda like that. I dont want to be dooce or any really popular blogger. I just like keeping notes on my life. Yes, its just a teenage life, but its mine.

The last blog I left kinda darkly, it was simply a bad day. I kept it comment free for a reason, I felt like being that way. I like that I have a blog and I can do what I want with it. So the past few days have been intresting all around. After wednesday, I was ok. Thursday....few things happened.

First, we had a carpenter come to look at our antique bed for refurnishing. He was a nice guy, and he gave us the estimate. Mom and I started chatting with him, and I asked him if he could make frames for photos. He said he could, which is really good because I had a 150 dollar estimate from michaels and I couldnt afford it. Then he asked if I was good with computers, and I told him I was. We came to an agreement. I clean up his hard drive (he just wants reformat, screw the data on it...), and he will make me a frame. Which is good!

Friday started out nice enough. So innocent. English we had a substitute. Chem we made models of some electric thing. No one except a few of the guys knew what to do, so I copied them and got it done. We had to turn in our research papers, mine was on Aspirin. Now at the bottom of the rubic was a thing about 'parent comments', which I didnt see before. He said he would take off points, but as long as we had paper in my 3:30, he wouldnt. Well, I wasnt feeling to good. So I called my m om to come and get me. I also had her sign the paper while she was here. I asked her if she would like to meet my Chemistry teacher, Mr. B. She said she wouldnt mind, so we went.

I turned in my paper, and he made a snide comment about me 'calling my mommy for everything', because I had wanted to call her about a battery I had forgotten (it was for the electricity experiment, and my partner was absent that day, she was supposed to bring). Ok, that was a bit peeving. Then he went on about my grade. I have a 92 in that class. Its one point from an A. No one in the class has an A. Care to guess who has the highest average? He was going on like a 92 was a bad grade. 'Oh her grade is dropping' 'she got a 60 on the last test' and so fourth. I just told him 'thank you for pointing out all my faults to my mother!' I gave him a look that literaly said 'f you', and I was out the door. And I got a 77.5 on it! Psh, no 60. I was mad. My mother and him exchanged a few words while I was fuming in the hall. As soon as my mother came out, I was almost running down the hall. But by the time we got to the front office, anger and rage had turned to tears. Why him? Why did he have to be so mean? I will never understand the meaness of some people.

I went home, I didnt find out what part I got in the play, thats for tomorrow. I napped and then had to go to the vets with my animals. That was an event in itself. I was peed on by my dog who got so nervous. Lovely, eh?

Saturday, went shopping! And slept in! Was wonderful. I got all christmas shopping done. I also got America (the book). I havent read alot of it yet, but its pretty good so far. I also got a cloak, which is nice and warm...longjohns (its for my christmas though), and some of my clothes exhanged. And very good bourbon chicken. Also, I was insulted/madefunof/critized about my bra size. Im sure the woman didnt mean it...but goodness, I think she did! "Your a 36?!" "*Im* a 36, how are you one?!" "The kids section is over there." Umm, I asked her how old SHE was. She was 19. I told her I was 18. She didnt even apoligize. Kinda rude.

But after that, pretty good. Stayed up late, got up late this morning. I cleaned all of this morning, worked on my project for science, though I dont care about it much now. All Mr B. fault, Im not speaking to him the rest of the year. May mean nothing to him, but maybe he will notice that he was RUDE. And that is all folks, how was your weekend?

I have never used the Music and Mood varibles, but they just seem to fit today, so I am trying them. Do you ever have just 'one of those days?' I am sure everyone has at one point...and I guess today is mine. It is just one of those bad days when I crawl in my room and start to cry. I dont cry often, but when I do Im a mess and everyone feels guilty. Mother, father, brother, boyfriend...hard to explain that I just need to cry.

Today started out normal enough. Got up, talked to Logan, went to school. I sat in the big comfy chair in the library. No one ever sits there before school or during lunch except moi. There is a small group of people that are there at lunch and the morning, and everyone just has their place to sit, and I always get the big chair. I like it. Today there were the normal people in the library. I opened my backsack and looked for a book to read..and only found 'Readings on Gulliver's Travels' which isnt reading material...its research. I went to the front of the library and asked if I had any other books out, and I didnt surprisingly. The librarian made a comment, "Oh! That isnt reading material...you must get a good one."

If you havent realized, this is going to be a long blog entry.

I smiled back at her, and I went into the 4 foot tall stacks that my school calls the fiction section. I looked around, and I didnt see anything that jumped out at me. But then I looked on the disposal cart on rejected books people didnt like and wanted the librarians to shelf and I picked up First French Kiss. It looked pretty good, so I got it.

I started reading the book, and read the first chapter, the one about the actual french kiss. Was very funny (if you didnt click, its a grade 6 boy french kissing a girl the first time, and it was only because he couldnt breath that he accidently stuck his tongue in his mouth). So yes, was very funny. Maybe I just have an odd sense of humor, but it was ok. The bell for class rang and I went to english.

English was my normal class. We read the introduction into Frankenstein. It is pretty good. It opened up a debate (well, hard discussion) on topics in which technology has come ahead of its time. We came up with a list of eleven things, my contributions included: Stem Cell research, RU-486, Birth Control in the era of Margaret Sanger, and Nuclear Weapons. It was an intresting discussion, but it always turns odd in that class when we get on 'discussion' topics. Everyone has their place. We have the guy who asks the dumb questions not relating to the topics (though today, he surprised me by asking if women lost a mucus plug before having a baby, too bad he thought it was the equivalent of a cork...). We have the people who just want to go against anything I say. We have the teacher who puts it into a republican/democrat spectrum, and we have the people out in left field. It is just intresting.

So after that discussion, went to Chemistry. Chemistry is getting harder. But its getting harder because its getting to the end of the semester which is the end of the class and I dont want to work anymore. We had a quiz. It was hard. I got a 77.5 out of pure luck. Im debating whether to get my mom to sign it to get 5 points. But its a bad grade...anyway. Did that quiz, got bad grade, found out it was my chemistry teachers 50th birthday. He looks a bit older, but he is very strong for 50. I got the bonus question on the quiz right, earning me a further 5 points: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? And I can finally say to my mother that Monty Python benifits my education.

Then lunch. I dont eat lunch at school because I come home at 1:30 because I dont take 4 classes, only 3. So I went into the library to read. I started to read my book, its about this kids journey though childhood and teenage life and being 'normal'. I detest normal. Normal is relative. It is what you make it. But it got my mind wandering, not my choice, it just did. I was sitting in my big chair, scanning my book to look like I was doing something intelligent, and a mental picture hits me.

I'm sad. I'm also alone. I can't go home, and I can't call Logan. It was a situation I had created for the best. It wasnt working out that way. I was so alone. I ran to my car in the parking lot. It was night. I started crying hysterically in the car. I was in a mess, and I had no one to help me out. What would I do? I looked at the book that I was scanning, and noticed a few wet spots on it. I had been crying without realizing it. I looked up and no one saw me, thank goodness. Was just a bad thought, but it stayed with me.

When the bell rang for my third class, I finished the story in the book about the fight between two boys. I went to my class, Journalism. I detest that class. No, I hate that class. I can say it truthfully, I hate it. I would rather sit in AP Calculas (keep in mind, I got a D in algebra I), than Journalism. We edited the paper all day, we are supposely going to press tomorrow. I took a set of pictures last second, without the required paperwork, and out of the goodness of my heart. And what did I get for it? My pictures were 'crap', and 'they will replace these bad pictures.' It was of a basketball game people, yes, some are going to be blurry with a digital camera. Not my fault, if you want better, get your OWN DAMN PICTURES last minute and quit saying 'Oh Liza, please please can you go to the game and get pictures?!' My name isnt Liza btw. I am sick of that class.

Time to go home. I have never thanked God so much to be out of a class. I didnt know what 'saved by the bell' meant until that class. I do now. I walked outside and waited for my mother. She is usually there before I am, but today she was going shopping with our German neighbour. She said either she would be there, or the German neighbours husband would be there. I sat there for 10 minutes. I called her cell, no answer. Called the house, no answer. Called German ladys house, no answer. I sat outside for 20 more minutes. My English teacher came outside, worried that I hadnt gotten a ride. About 2:15, my mother and the neighbour showed up.

I was mad. Well, at first I was worried. Then I was mad.Then I was sad. I was alone. They forgot me...very childish I know. I hate it when people say something and dont do it. I hate it. I was mad when they picked me up. I had a deadly glare on my face, I'm well aware. However, I got into the car. And on the way home my mother exclaimed 'Dont worry about her, shes nearly 18! If she cant stay at school for 45 minutes thats her problem!' to my German neighbour who was mad at her husband who didnt come and get me.

We got home, and I was then told I was 'acting like a spoiled brat.' Fine. Maybe I am a spoiled brat, but I am a spoiled brat with feelings. You see me keep my word, you keep yours mother, and dont insult me in front of the neighbour, it just leaves more room for her to critize me. I helped my mother package some packages for my father to go to him, and then I slipped into my room. I started crying again. It wasnt sobs, but it was just tears, I was upset. Few minutes later mother walks in and tells me why he didnt show up. The neighbours husband had gone to the middle school next door. He had forgotten I was in high school. Hes in his late 70s and a war vetern, I cant blame him for forgetting...but then she blames me for being mad. How was *I* supposed to know thats why he wasnt there and not that she was just busy and didnt call him? or that he didnt fall asleep on couch? I couldnt. She left to pick up my brother and go to post office, and I went back into my room.

Then came the sobs. I couldnt do it in the library, but I could here. And I did. It was just one of those times that I needed to cry. It was just a bad day. May not seem bad the way I write it, but it was bad for me. It just built on other bad days, and decided to make me cry today. I cried myself to sleep, and slept until 5:30. I wanted to explain every detail of this day, so I got down at my computer and started this. So if you ask about my day, here it is.

I love you Logan, but dont ask any details, Ive had a bad day.